A Soft Answer (Proverbs 15)
1:09 AM
Verbal abuse permeated my home as I was growing up. And I, also, became quite skilled in being able to use my tongue to lash out in anger with no empathy for the impact of my words. It took a lot to make me angry, but if those buttons were pushed, I reacted with a spewing of word vomit that would make your head spin. With the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I began to recognize the harmful effects my words and tone could have and I wanted to change that dynamic. A small but powerful book that is treasured in my library is the book “Verbal and Emotional Abuse” by June Hunt. Here is her description of verbal abuse:
“Verbal abuse is a form of overt, emotional abuse. A skilled woodsman wields his weapon carefully, chopping repeatedly on a precise spot until the targeted tree falls. This lumberjack takes pride in controlling himself and his weapon, never striking a careless blow. Likewise, a verbal abuser uses his tongue as a weapon to hack away at another person. This abuser is skilled in his ability to strike a blow- wielding words that caustically cut heart and soul.”
Throughout the Bible, the tongue is described as a weapon or tool for potential harm. If we allow our anger to be unrestrained, our words will reflect the sinful, foolish, and emotionally charged or foolish condition of a heart that is not submitted to God. “The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.”(2)
Anger is an emotion that we will all experience. Some of us will have shorter fuses than others. Growing up, we may have observed and learned wrong, sinful responses to the behaviours and actions of others. We may have become super sensitive and over-reactive instead of being able to calmly and objectively react and respond as God would desire. “A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.” (18)
How much power does the tongue have?
“The tongue has the power of life and death” ( Proverbs 18:21).
“A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.” (4)
This is such an important understanding to grasp. “Our words”, “ our reactions”, “our chosen responses” have a powerful impact. We can use our anger to fuel destructive, sinful responses that will likely stir up anger or hurtful responses in others or we can submit our anger to Spirit-controlled responses that reflect healing and peaceful outcomes.
If you are a victim of verbal abuse or if you are one prone to expressing your anger with harmful words, seek knowledge from the Bible and scripture based books to help you change how you use your tongue to react and respond. “The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.” (28)
n her book, June Hunt reminds us to love unconditionally.
- “Love is not a feeling. But a commitment to do what is right”.
- “Love looks for ways to meet the needs of another”.
- “Love says ‘ I care enough about our relationship to work to make it a positive one’. “
Let God’s love and not hatred be the driving force behind the words you speak to others. “Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs” (Proverbs 10:12). It will be a process that requires submitting to God and learning healthy responses to others ( including how to set healthy boundaries ). May I encourage you to weigh every word you speak, being mindful of it’s potential to have a positive vs harmful impact. Sometimes, we may find that changing our tone or how we say something is key. Timing also becomes important so that we are not being merely reactive, but focused and submissive to God’s direction. Some circumstances require time for prayer and reflection and God’s guidance regarding when, how, or even if we should speak.
“A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!” (23)
Final Thoughts:
Satan wants to hurt and wound us through the words of others, stirring up our sinful responses to anger. Satan wants to use us to wound others with the words we speak.
God wants to heal us through the power of “His Word”. God wants to use us to heal others through the impact of the words we speak.
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”. (Proverbs 12:18)
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