Anger

A Soft Answer (Proverbs 15)

1:09 AM


Proverbs 15
Verbal abuse permeated my home as I was growing up. And I, also, became quite skilled in being able to use my tongue to lash out in anger with no empathy for the impact of my words. It took a lot to make me angry, but if those buttons were pushed, I reacted with a spewing of word vomit that would make your head spin. With the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I began to recognize the harmful effects my words and tone could have and I wanted to change that dynamic. A small but powerful book that is treasured in my library is the book “Verbal and Emotional Abuse” by June Hunt. Here is her description of verbal abuse:
“Verbal abuse is a form of overt, emotional abuse. A skilled woodsman wields his weapon carefully, chopping repeatedly on a precise spot until the targeted tree falls. This lumberjack takes pride in controlling himself and his weapon, never striking a careless blow. Likewise, a verbal abuser uses his tongue as a weapon to hack away at another person. This abuser is skilled in his ability to strike a blow- wielding words that caustically cut heart and soul.”
Throughout the Bible, the tongue is described as a weapon or tool for potential harm. If we allow our anger to be unrestrained, our words will reflect the sinful, foolish, and emotionally charged or foolish condition of a heart that is not submitted to God. “The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.”(2)
Anger is an emotion that we will all experience. Some of us will have shorter fuses than others. Growing up, we may have observed and learned wrong, sinful responses to the behaviours and actions of others. We may have become super sensitive and over-reactive instead of being able to calmly and objectively react and respond as God would desire. “A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.” (18)

How much power does the tongue have? 
“The tongue has the power of life and death” ( Proverbs 18:21). 
“A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.” (4)
This is such an important understanding to grasp. “Our words”, “ our reactions”, “our chosen responses” have a powerful impact. We can use our anger to fuel destructive, sinful responses that will likely stir up anger or hurtful responses in others or we can submit our anger to Spirit-controlled responses that reflect healing and peaceful outcomes.  
If you are a victim of verbal abuse or if you are one prone to expressing your anger with harmful words, seek knowledge from the Bible and scripture based books to help you change how you use your tongue to react and respond. “The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.” (28) 
n her book, June Hunt reminds us to love unconditionally. 
  • “Love is not a feeling. But a commitment to do what is right”.  
  • “Love looks for ways to meet the needs of another”.
  • “Love says ‘ I care enough about our relationship to work to make it a positive one’. “
Let God’s love and not hatred be the driving force behind the words you speak to others. “Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs” (Proverbs 10:12). It will be a process that requires submitting to God and learning healthy responses to others ( including how to set healthy boundaries ). May I encourage you to weigh every word you speak, being mindful of it’s potential to have a positive vs harmful impact. Sometimes, we may find that changing our tone or how we say something is key. Timing also becomes important so that we are not being merely reactive, but focused and submissive to God’s direction. Some circumstances require time for prayer and reflection and God’s guidance regarding when, how, or even if we should speak.
“A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!” (23)

Final Thoughts:
Satan wants to hurt and wound us through the words of others, stirring up our sinful responses to anger. Satan wants to use us to wound others with the words we speak. 
God wants to heal us through the power of “His Word”. God wants to use us to heal others through the impact of the words we speak. 
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”. (Proverbs 12:18)


Becky Austin

A Gentle Answer (Proverbs 15)

3:27 AM



If the wounds on her heart and the bruises on her soul were translated on her skin, you wouldn’t recognize her at all.  
- Verona Q

This quote emphasizes that not all wounds can be seen and the damage we inflict on each other is not always done with fists or manmade weapons. Quite often, the damage that people cause each other is done with glances, body language, and harsh tones. The Bible is full of verses that address how displeasing it is to God when people suffer from verbal and emotional abuse. The Bible instructs us to be mindful of what we say and how we say it and to reflect Christ in our actions and reactions.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (v1) 
Imagine that you are tired or busy and someone approaches you to ask a question. The timing is bothersome and inconvenient.  You have 2 choices.  You can choose to attend and give a soft, patient response or you can choose to be short, impatient and harsh.  How do you think the recipient of your actions will feel? Which response would foster mutual respect and send a message that the other person is valued?  Which response would likely offend or anger the recipient? It does matter how we respond to others especially on a spiritual level. 

As Christians, we send a message to the world of what Christ is like.  We should reflect the attributes of God in our behaviors, attitudes, and interactions with others. This includes our children, spouses, co-workers, friends and strangers. 
 How does God respond to us?
The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. (Psalm 145:8)

In Proverbs 15, we find some great verses about our responses to and interactions with others.  
A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (v 4)
Verbal abuse can take many forms including name calling, belittling, criticizing, arguing, yelling, blaming. Over time, these wounds can cause emotional and psychological damage. Harsh responses can provoke anger, depression, poor self-esteem.  

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. ( Ephesians 4: 26-27) 
Anger can be a valid emotional response but it should not be the driving force behind our responsive actions. When we discipline our kids, we should make sure the discipline is not administered in anger. When we answer each other, we should do so with love and respect.  Even if we disagree, we should be able to disagree and yet not belittle or devalue the other person. 

We should think before we act. 
“The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. (28)” 
How quickly we can jump to conclusions that may be false. How damaging it can be also if we spread gossip, rumors, etc.   Usually, we gain better perspective or can control our tones and word choices better when we give ourselves time to calm down. This also gives us time to communicate with God about the best way to respond. 

Just as our wrong responses can negatively affect others and wound them, our right responses can positively impact others and promote well being. 
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.”(v13). 
“The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones.” (v30)

The Bible reminds us to be careful in how we choose to interact with others.  Perhaps, we don’t realize when we seem harsh or judgemental.  Perhaps we don’t see outward, visible signs of the damage inflicted by our wrong responses. 
But, God sees. 
   “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.” (v3).   Ask God to help you have Christlike responses and be a source of promoting another’s well being vs harm. 
Seek out instructions from scripture such as: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”  (Ephesians 4:29). 

How do you respond to others as Christ would?
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2)