A Secret Found in Grieving {2Samuel 1-4:12}
7:30 PM
All of us will deal with grief at some point, for you cannot love and be forever free from grieving. Some of us will grieve over the death of a loved one, while others may mourn the loss of a lifestyle, job, marriage, of even a dream of how you envisioned your life would be.
I just recently loss my mother after taking care of her for the past 14 years and when we came to 2 Samuel, chapter 1; where David mourns the lost of King Saul and his best friend, Jonathan, I decided it was time to talk about something most people would prefer not to discuss- grief. I did a bit of research into the grieving process and found I could identify with some of all I discovered, but not all.
I loved how Molly Fumia described the grieving process, "Grief is a journey, often perilous and without clear direction. The experience of grieving cannot be ordered or categorized, hurried or controlled, pushed aside or ignored indefinitely. It is inevitable as breathing, as change, as love. It may be postponed, but it will not be denied."
Jesus told us, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."—Matthew 5:4
God designed us so that we will feel joy and love in the presence
of our loved ones, and grief when we are separated from them. Hmm..I believe I
took for granted that we’ve been created with emotions until now! I’m not quite
sure why this revelation is just coming to me, but just think how robotic we’d
be if we hadn’t been given the ability to feel the gambit of emotions! The
ability to feel all we do it truly a blessing!
Do you all rejoice along with me when you read in John 11:35,
“Jesus wept” over the death of his friend Lazarus? Did He actually weep for
Lazarus or for the other’s pain over their loss, for He knew He was about to
raise him up and give him back to all those who loved him? Either way, it’s
comforting to know that we are more like Jesus when we mourn with and for others.
It’s also comforting to know that God knows exactly how we’re
feeling and hurts along with us!
While grief is an expected response to any loss, the unfamiliar emotions
that arise can lead to feelings of uncertainty and fear. (Wondering if what we’re
experiencing is normal)The truth is everyone deals with a loss differently. Some may be devastated depending on the circumstances; others may initially feel numb and disconnected. Some may choose to withdraw socially, while others look for and appreciate the support others.
Although grieving is an individual experience, there are symptoms many people experience after a personal loss. (Some that might even surprise you):
- Feels physically drained
- Can't sleep at night
- Forgetful and unable to think clearly. (Brain fog.)
- Noticeable change in appetite
- Physical distress such as chest pains, headaches.
- Stays extremely busy to avoid thinking about his or her grief
- Eats, drinks watches television, etc. excessively
- Becomes withdrawn, lonely and apathetic
In all my research I discovered that there isn’t only one,
or right way to grieve and no right way, or one way to comfort. My mother was
ill the entire time I took care of her. Her illness grew progressively worse
until even her doctors were surprised that she was still doing as well as she
was. On one hand, I knew she had already outlived the doctor’s expectations,
but on the other I believed she’d still keep right on going! Therefore, when the
news came that she had only days (which was really hours) to live I was
surprised, but accepted the reality that it was time for Jesus to take her
home.
After her passing, I got so busy with trying to settle her
estate that I felt I didn’t have time to mourn, but that wasn’t true. I was
keeping busy to avoid the grief. I’ve had my sleepless nights, lack of energy, headaches,
periods of forgetfulness, etc. From the very moment I learned that Mom was going
home, I have sensed the Lord presence even more. He IS near to the brokenhearted. He continues
to exhort me to simply, “Be still…” Psalm 46:10, for He knows I’ve never been
one to sit still for long and allow Him to take charge. (It’s something we’re
still working on.)
But, as hard as this time has been, I find myself… thankful!
(1Thes 5:18)
- I’m thankful Mom came to know the Lord as her Savior and Lord right after she moved here in 2003.
- I’m thankful for all the years I’ve been able to take care of her and every phone call I made each morning to simply say, “Good morning, Mom!”
- I’m thankful that this parting is only temporary.
- And thankful for all The Lord has taught me since her passing!
- Thankful for the relationships with friends and family that have deepened since, but there’s still more I need to do on my end to grow them even more!
- I’m thankful to know more of how to bless others when they are grieving.
These are just a few off my list. (I didn’t want to keep you
here too much longer) BUT I did want you to know that in all I read about grieving
(especially the secular articles) I didn’t read anything about giving thanks!
We all know the Lord commands us to give thanks in all circumstances, (1 Thes
5:18) and I have to admit that I’ve found this one thing to be the greatest
help in dealing with the loss of my mom! The greatest help!
Thank you all for letting me share it with you!
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