Unkind, rude and sometimes just downright mean people are everywhere. We all have to deal with them and we all have to decide how we will respond to such unpleasant interactions. A very natural and common response is to immediately go into a defensive mode. This is because these challenging people bruise our fragile egos and their threatening behaviors tend to trigger our fight or flight responses. When we allow these people to “push our buttons”, the usual result is a rash, emotion-charged self- preserving retaliation that signals our loss of self-control.
“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” 25:28
Loss of self-control means we have acted from the control center of “self” on the throne and we have forsaken the righteous conduct God desires for us to display as representatives of the love, grace, and forgiveness of Christ. The unkind conduct of others is sinful and it’s impact can be very difficult and damaging. One of the potential dangers of this sin is that it tends to perpetuate more sin. If we respond to sin with sinful reactions, then we fail to reflect Christ and His standards of righteousness. “Like a muddied spring or a polluted fountain is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked.” 25:26
The Bible teaches us to respond to our enemies and those who sin against us with the love of Christ. Instead of anger and retaliation, we are expected to bestow kindness. Just as sin is harmful and destructive, genuine love, forgiveness and kindness can be healing and restorative. “If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.” 25:21-22
We have important opportunities when we encounter the challenges of difficult, grumpy, angry, manipulative people. It can be helpful to remember that such people are “ broken” inside. They are unleashing their pain, confusion, grief, impatience, etc on others. We can choose to participate in the destructive cycle of sin with our own sinful emotions and responses that reflect our pain, anger and self-preservation. We can also, with the help of God, make wiser and more Christlike choices. A response of kindness and self-control can snuff out the flames of quarreling and contention.
“For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.” 26:20
It’s not easy to refrain from wrong responses when we encounter the cruelty or rudeness of others. It takes self-control and surrender to God’s Spirit to extend the love of Christ. Remember to pray for your enemies and to spread the healing balm of kindness wherever you go.
