I want to share some bitter sweet memories from
my life that in a way makes me feel identified with Rebekah the wife of Isaac.
We could divide Rebekah’s story and mine in two:
The first piece of the story was of a young bride-to-be who was confident and trusting that God had orchestrated a marvelous wedding with the perfect “prince”, and they would live happily ever after!
As for Rebekah, we have no idea how it all went
during their first years… but for me it was quite difficult, because as a
newlywed I discovered my husband had a very bad temper and was very
controlling, plus he became a spiritual prodigal. I have already shared my
testimony of how difficult this was for me and our children (our twin
girls and a son). The Lord strengthened us through prayers and fasting
until after almost 20 years of marriage our Lord literally opened the eyes
of my husband’s heart and he decided to follow Jesus and we began to serve our
God in our Church and community!
While raising our kids I gave them back to
our God. I only asked of Him to help me guide them to Him and that they
would be consecrated to serve Him! I knew deep in my heart that He would
eventually take them overseas or some other place to fulfill His purpose
in their lives.
One day, while twin A had been away from
home studying in another state, she called us telling us she had a male
Christian friend from another country and that they had been writing
emails to each other for a long time AND he was considering coming to visit
her, my husband became angry and said “NO!”, and reminded her that he
had always warned her how dangerous this could be, and felt she should
stop this friendship right away! She objected and asked him to please receive
this young man, but he refused, and accused her of being disobedient.
A few months later my
other daughter, Twin B, who was still at home with us and also about to
graduate from College like her twin sister, told me in confidence
that she was in the same situation as her sister; she was also friends
through the internet with a Christian man who happened to be in the
Seminary and was about to graduate as a Pastor! She was afraid she would
get her father angry and disappointed with her if we told him, so WE kept the
secret from my husband!
Let me tell you, I had
never in my married life ever hidden anything from him! My children knew that
if I knew what they had done daddy would know it by me, so they had to be
courageous and go ahead and tell him they were sorry and accept the
consequences.
BUT this time I fell
into the trap that was set before me!
I began to find all kind
of excuses for keeping that secret… that LIE
If my husband would not be so bad tempered… if he would just listen to the girl’s without judging their friends and their relationship…you name it!
Finally, I let my two
beloved elderly sisters in Christ- whom I considered my mentors- know what
the girls and I were going through so we would all pray for my husband and for
the future husbands of “my girls”. And guess what happened? They did!!
They would also keep our secret and pray with us!
This went on for a year or so! But over time my husband began treating us all badly! He was always angry and in a bad mood, but I continued praying for him, for a “change in his heart”, etc., believing God would fulfill His plans and purpose in the life of my twins no matter what!
O my, how blind and arrogant I was becoming!
Throughout this time we
continued to have our prayer and fellowship groups at home, until one day, as
one of these elderly sisters prayed for me she said: “The Lord has showed me
you have to ask forgiveness to someone you are subject to”. I asked, “You
mean someone who has authority over me? Like my father or my husband…? “She
said yes. Well I thought for a moment and decided I had already forgiven my
father! I was “clean”, I had no remorse of any kind whatsoever!! And I
dismissed my sister´s advice.
Later on while in our
prayer and fellowship group I had a vision: I saw a lion, not
roaring, but walking calmly towards me and then he took a last step and I saw
his big and strong paw!
But even though I was
not intimidated I remembered the scripture in 1 Peter 5:8 –
“Be self-controlled and
alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking
for someone to devour”. I knew this verse by heart, so I did not look it
up, nor read the whole chapter, but in my pride and selfishness I decided
this was probably the Lion of Judah!
Imagine!!
I continued with the excuses… I was ok, our secret was with a cause, and I would let my husband know when I decided it was best!
A few days later, I had to drive my son to school, he was about to graduate from 6th grade and they were rehearsing their graduation ceremony. Twin B was at home and she asked if she could get a ride to her University, and I said: “Yes”. I was burdened with my own thoughts and still angry with my husband because the night before he snapped at me for “nothing”, as “usual”. I told my son we had to leave and we both forgot we were going to take Twin B to school, also. She had gone upstairs to get something, and we took off locking her in the house. I felt restless and a bit nervous and as I drove away from home, I simply prayed: “Father, our lives are in your Hands!”. All of a sudden we were hit by a speeding driver who made our car spin around. He hit our van on my side, right in the middle, just a few inches away from the driver’s seat. Only by the Grace and Mercy of our Lord I am still alive and walking! But IF our daughter would have ridden with us, the consequences of this car wreck would have been catastrophic, since my son would always sit in the back seat… right where the van was hit! I praise our God my son came out of the accident with only a few bruises!! Our van was total loss! Our Heavenly Father delivered us all three from the worst outcome from this accident! Only He could have done it! He lavished upon us “Grace upon Grace”!!
For two months I was bedridden at home, and I had plenty of time to realize and repent from my sin: I had been unfaithful to my husband and to my Lord And Savior, and I had given satan the opportunity to come to my home to “ steal, kill and destroy” my family, my marriage and my own life!
When we walk by our own truths we become arrogant… if I had only back
then read these previous verses in 1 Peter 5: 5-7:
“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
Humble yourselves therefore under God’s mighty hand that He may lift you in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”
Just like Rebekah I had to pay the price… but by His loving kindness AND
Abounding Grace I was forgiven, and given a new opportunity to serve
Him with a fearful and humble heart!
He is Faithful!
Mari Salinas