If the wounds on her heart and the bruises on her soul were translated on her skin, you wouldn’t recognize her at all.
- Verona Q
This quote emphasizes that not all wounds can be seen and the damage we inflict on each other is not always done with fists or manmade weapons. Quite often, the damage that people cause each other is done with glances, body language, and harsh tones. The Bible is full of verses that address how displeasing it is to God when people suffer from verbal and emotional abuse. The Bible instructs us to be mindful of what we say and how we say it and to reflect Christ in our actions and reactions.
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (v1)
Imagine that you are tired or busy and someone approaches you to ask a question. The timing is bothersome and inconvenient. You have 2 choices. You can choose to attend and give a soft, patient response or you can choose to be short, impatient and harsh. How do you think the recipient of your actions will feel? Which response would foster mutual respect and send a message that the other person is valued? Which response would likely offend or anger the recipient? It does matter how we respond to others especially on a spiritual level.
As Christians, we send a message to the world of what Christ is like. We should reflect the attributes of God in our behaviors, attitudes, and interactions with others. This includes our children, spouses, co-workers, friends and strangers.
How does God respond to us?
The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. (Psalm 145:8)
In Proverbs 15, we find some great verses about our responses to and interactions with others.
A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (v 4)
Verbal abuse can take many forms including name calling, belittling, criticizing, arguing, yelling, blaming. Over time, these wounds can cause emotional and psychological damage. Harsh responses can provoke anger, depression, poor self-esteem.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. ( Ephesians 4: 26-27)
Anger can be a valid emotional response but it should not be the driving force behind our responsive actions. When we discipline our kids, we should make sure the discipline is not administered in anger. When we answer each other, we should do so with love and respect. Even if we disagree, we should be able to disagree and yet not belittle or devalue the other person.
We should think before we act.
“The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. (28)”
How quickly we can jump to conclusions that may be false. How damaging it can be also if we spread gossip, rumors, etc. Usually, we gain better perspective or can control our tones and word choices better when we give ourselves time to calm down. This also gives us time to communicate with God about the best way to respond.
Just as our wrong responses can negatively affect others and wound them, our right responses can positively impact others and promote well being.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.”(v13).
“The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones.” (v30)
The Bible reminds us to be careful in how we choose to interact with others. Perhaps, we don’t realize when we seem harsh or judgemental. Perhaps we don’t see outward, visible signs of the damage inflicted by our wrong responses.
But, God sees.
“The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.” (v3). Ask God to help you have Christlike responses and be a source of promoting another’s well being vs harm.
Seek out instructions from scripture such as: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29).
How do you respond to others as Christ would?
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2)