While in Galilee, Jesus accepted a dinner invitation from a Pharisee named Simon. As He was reclining at the table, the Lord was set upon by a woman who after crashing the party, fell on her knees before Him weeping. In humbleness, with her hair, she wiped away her fallen tears on Jesus’ feet; kissing them, and anointing them with alabaster oil. Simon, appalled at this shameful display said to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.” (vs. 7:39) Simon thought of himself as highly esteemed and religious. Yet when he witnesses this woman showing her love for Jesus, her thankfulness for His forgiveness, and her sorrow over her wicked past, his own heart isn’t moved. Instead, filled with self righteousness, he sees only her sin. Knowing the hypocrisy of Simon, Jesus shared with him a parable of two debtors and says, “For this reason I say to you, her sins which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” (vs. 7:47)
“The point Jesus is making is if we are not each aware of how great our own sin debt to God is in His eyes, we will not have a proper degree of love and gratitude to God for the mercy that He has shown us in making forgiveness of that debt possible for Jesus' sake. We will also not show the proper love and forgiveness toward our neighbors, because we will think of ourselves as being better than they are, rather than as being just as much in need of God's grace and mercy ourselves as they are.” (ebible.com) And I have to tell you, just like he did with Simon, Jesus drove that same point home to me these past few days.
Due to the recent ice storms in our area many lost their electricity, ourselves included. Being fortunate enough to have a generator, we were at least afforded heat and the ability to provide power to a few essential appliances. Family members, without power themselves, came to stay with us until their electricity was restored. This included my mother. Now it’s no secret that my mother and I have had a contentious relationship, so the thought of spending so much time together left me feeling a bit trepidatious. As day one turned into day two, I found the familiar feelings of resentment, anger, and hurt beginning to creep in. And after a discussion about Jesus, where it was clear that our beliefs differed greatly in certain areas, I decided it best to take some time out and work on my blog post that was about of all things, forgiveness. Little did I know that God was about to give me an eye opener I wouldn’t soon forget!
As I read about Simon I immediately felt indignant at how he looked upon the woman at the feet of Jesus. I thought, “Typical Pharisee. Can’t see his own sins through his sanctimonious forest of the sins of others.” Right then and there, God laid a conviction on my heart. It turns out, Simon wasn’t so different from myself. The Lord revealed to me that all of this time, I have been looking at my Mother through the self righteous eyes of Simon.
Before if anyone had asked, I would have said that I had forgiven my Mother for hurts of the past. And it’s true, that many times I have prayed for a heart towards her that is free of bitterness and anger. But that night after some serious soul searching, I realized that although my lips said forgiveness, my heart did not. I still harbored hurt and records of every grievance against me she committed. Like Simon, when I looked at her all I could see was her sins and need for forgiveness; conveniently overlooking my own sins and the great need for forgiveness that I too possessed. I was ashamed of my “holier than thou attitude” and prayed that God would truly open my eyes and allow me to see her as Jesus sees her, loved and forgiven.
The next morning over coffee, my Mother and I were watching the news of the day. This lead to her talking about things she experienced growing up and throughout her life; including hurts, disappointments, and sorrows of the past. The stories she told I had heard countless times before. And before when I heard them, I immediately would think, “Oh here we again. Trying to be the victim when we know I’m the real victim.” I must say I played the part of the martyr well. But unlike before, this time I actually listened to her with open ears and an open heart. And what I heard were the stories of a woman who like myself has experienced hurts and injustices. A woman who has been wounded and whose heart bears the scars. A woman who has made mistakes and experienced the consequences. And most of all, a woman who deserves my real and honest love and forgiveness. And not because I regard myself as greater or holier than her, but because my sins are just as grievous as hers, and yet God in His mercy so willingly forgave and continues to forgive mine.
Forgiving others although not easy, is possible. It’s possible through the strength of the Holy Spirit and with a full heart. Why? Because a heart filled with love and thankfulness for God’s mercy and forgiveness finds it impossible not to motivate us to forgive others. “Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy. He will again have compassion on us, and will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” (Micah 7:18-19)
I just love how God works! Although the ice storm was responsible for frozen power lines, roads, and water pipes, it was also was responsible for the thawing of my frozen heart. By the time the power was restored and my Mother was ready to go home I had developed a new appreciation for her not only as my Mother, but as a fellow daughter of God. And although my forgiving heart is a work in progress, as is our mother/daughter relationship, I am forever grateful to the Lord for this break through.
We have another ice storm in the forecast for next week. And although I would never wish for a repeat of what our state just experienced, I can for the first time in a long time, say that if my Mother has to come and stay, I will honestly look forward to spending time with her! To God goes the glory!
To read more about forgiveness, follow the link
https://t2womenintheword.blogspot.com/2018/12/god-forgives-and-forgets-hebrews-71-928.html
